By Dan Poorman
Today, in a Walmart, where I had been shopping for some last minute additions to my Halloween costume, I was mortified to see a line of employees unpacking boxes of ornaments, ribbons, and white wreaths. Sure, it’s not uncommon for the Christmas aisle to germinate in some little corner of a big box retailer like Walmart as the Halloween season ends. But this year feels different. In fact, tonight I noticed that the Halloween decorations have already been stripped from Walmart’s shelves to leave room for Christmas stuff—which, I kid you not, took up at least six aisles at the back of the store. This was not how I remembered it going last year. Too. Many. Santas.
And, as if that’s not offensive enough, that’s when I heard the music. “I’ll Be Home for Christmas,” “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” and the always awful “Let It Go.” It’s bad enough to prematurely force Christmas on me, but it’s criminal to remind me of the existence of Frozen on top of all that (at any time of year, really).
I had to hurry together my things and leave. I had to go vomit in the parking lot.
So it’s fitting that my old college pal, Mike Cronin, creator of the YouTube comedy series “The Other Late Night Guy” (and the designer of The Taste Basket logo!) recently made the above little mock horror trailer about the yuletide occupation of October. Through his comedy, Mike is surely begging the very grave question, “Why now?” as the majority of us finalize our Halloween plans—like, for God’s sake, let’s at least give All Hallow’s Eve these next couple days. I’m talking to you, Walmart.
So enjoy, and spread the word. We only have a few more days to embrace the spooky.